To salt or not to salt is the question

couple-discussion

source: http://paternitytestinglabs.com/how-to-discuss-a-paternity-test-with-your-partner/

The question has come about from a little chat I had about salt to be added into cooking food.

Unfortunately, I have no money to buy salt, so I say. The lady looks forlorn and says nothing.

Cooks the food without salt. She doesn’t eat because she’ll not eat food without salt.

Then a discussion ensues. ‘You are a man you should have money at all times’ she says. I say ‘this is the one time I have no money’. She says ‘I don’t believe you.’

Then I ask, ‘why didn’t you buy the salt? I know you have the money.’  She responds ‘Mine is female money. You the man are supposed to bring and pay for everything at home.’

I am gobsmacked. The lady has money to buy salt but will not buy it because I have no money to buy salt.

Herein is the quandary. I am not at home neither am I obliged to buy the salt because this is not my residence. I am a visitor okay.

I wonder are such matters which seem minor in the scheme of things bring discordant in a home. Can the aspect of the man not having money to buy salt really make or break a home? Whatever happened to partnerships. Is it only give, give society that it has come down too?

It is heart wrenching if the foundation of any form of relationship is reduced to money and lack thereof.

Totally flabbergasted. Now I know what to do next time. Have my own salt in the drawer and she can cook saltless food. I’ll add into my food at my leisure. I will be visiting this place a lot more often therefore I will do the cub scout motto of be prepared.

Not very happy person at this point in time.

The dynamics of gender are not lost on me but I am finding them ever the more complex. How one wants to make a point in regards to gender roles about unspoken rules baffles me immensely. How then can the women be emancipated if they still think in a dependency format rather than the independent format? Do the women play the gender roles because society dictates or because family dictates?

For once I am lost. So, lost.

source: http://www.saltopiasalts.com/health-benefits.html

November

rain
Raining cats & dogs

It is the rainy season in Uganda and what that entails is a change of many things.

It rains like cats & dogs. There are a number of things that happen and eventually show the presence of the rain.

From transport, to crops, to people, to agriculture virtually everything changes

The landscape gets the feel of lushness. It turns into a gorgeous green.

The roads, the marram roads that is, get slippery but at least the end result is that dust settles down and there is less dust pollution.

For some reason people get happier. I am yet to find the reason why. Maybe because Christmas is around the corner and everyone can be joyful and merry as the year ends.

There are some areas when it rains, it gets flooded because this in the previous life time used to be a wet land.

In November, the other thing is that it is the green grasshopper season.

 

green-grasshopper-images-cool-wallpaper-animalplanethd-com_

It is a delicacy of sorts and to be honest it tastes just like prawns. After the grasshopper, has been caught and fried. It has a very rich source of protein.

prawn-11979566

Source: https://thumbs.dreamstime.com/z/prawn-11979566.jpg

This is how the delicacy looks like ready to be eaten.

nsenene-grasshoppers

source: http://kabiza.com/kabiza-wilderness-safaris/nsenene-grasshoppers-are-a-ugandan-delicacy/

Happy November to you too with love from Uganda

 

 

Volunteer

via Daily Prompt: Volunteer

 

To Volunteer or not to volunteer

When I was in University, I got introduced to Volunteering. You see as an international student my background didn’t have any form of volunteering.

Therefore, I took it up with gusto and took up all kinds of activities from the Muscular Dystrophy Association (MDA) jailathon in the city of Honolulu and then the student activities as well.

What I found out, is that volunteerism has a steeped culture within the American society. And also one was not doing it to get paid but rather for the altruism of helping someone else. So when this other volunteer gig came along I was confronted with altruism of being paid.

The gig was for medical research and they needed a certain type of person, age group and social background to which all fit me. Well I was to be paid after all the medical trials are done.

I grappled with the idea of being paid but when I spoke with the medical staff I was informed that it is customary that any Pharmaceutical company that does any drug trials does reimburse the volunteers. So there is nothing to be worried about and also you are going to help many people world over from the results of the drug trials.

And so I took part. I made many friends in the process and also learned a number of things about myself most especially discipline.

One is not supposed to eat or drink after a certain time.

One week were supposed to be in-house at the drug trial facility

On other times we had to be at the drug trial facility only on weekends (That meant bye-bye to dating and hanging out with friends).

Was it worth it? Yes, it was both financially and also finding out more of myself with what I can do and also not do.

To Volunteer or not to volunteer turned out to be the most rewarding moment in my university life.

 

 

 

Dating: Ugandan Style continued

To Tip or not To Tip

The other aspect of dating that threw me off guard totally is tipping.

The simple gesture of gratitude for services rendered, tipping in other words, is loaded with mine field repercussions in Kampala city.

Yes, I use tipping as a form of litmus test for the ladies I date. If they are for it then she’s my type. If they are against it then I am going to move on and avoid future clashes of opinion about yes, you got it tipping.

In establishments that are well known brand names tipping is not a must nor is it one the service bill(receipt) you can tip according to the way you feel after the service, However, in the local establishments tipping means totally a different proposition.

My rule of thumb to tip it is 10% of the bill. Now most establishments in Kampala do not add that service charge on the bill(receipt).

When my friends sat me down to explain the pros and cons of tipping in Kampala City I was left in shock. I am made to understand that if I tip any waitress that is not working within the brand name establishments, places like Sheraton, Hilton or Serena Hotels then chances are that the waitress that has received my tip will feel obliged to return the favour on my ‘investment’.  It is the way that many men use this method of investment to get sexual favours. When I heard this I couldn’t believe that such a gesture could be construed too mean loads of other things you know.

Honestly, dating in Kampala is an expensive affair but it is loaded with mine fields of innuendos that one needs to understand before going out. I would not want to end up in the jail-house or at the end of a barrage of fists because of innocent actions taken by me without really understanding that they can cause some serious repercussions.

Dating in Kampala has its adventurous side of things as well. I found myself on the road on this high speed Boda Boda whizzing me from one place to the next with babe I am dating sitting in front of me and the Boda Boda guy in front of her. Making that three of us on this Boda Boda. The wind that was blowing in my face and hair really brought it back to me. I am on a date with this babe on a Boda Boda. I do not have to worry about the tipping or not to tip issues I am enjoying myself and the babe is leaning back into me. The warmth I got from such an innocent but real act of her leaning into me made the ride all the much better. What a way to enjoy the closeness of another person without it being lewd in a sense but very wholesome.

Only in Kampala City!

img_1526

source: Google

Friends that make the world go around

Love…Love…Love

And so the day begun like any other but with the rigmarole that surrounds life.

Sun was seeping through the cracks and hints of warmth, despite the dreary insides, promised a new day.

As the clock ticked on and on and the snooze button having been hit a couple of times, it was about time, to get up and face the world.

Brushing my teeth and looking in the mirror I had to convince myself that I am who I am even if others do not think so. I had to motivate myself with all the propensity that I could muster to take on the world. You see I had been told by someone I really and truly love that she was no longer in love with me. All my postulations about the luv I had for the said lady vanished in thin air. The cool and calm way I was told that it is over felt like a hot knife slicing through butter. It was gut wrenching, confusing, debilitating and above all else my world just stopped.

When I fell in love there was a lot that really went on within the body. From the chemistry, to the hormonal imbalance that led to a natural high. Therefore, when, the object of my desire said that I am no longer in love and do not want anything to do with you, my self-esteem takes a major thrashing and I questioned myself till the cows came home.

You see I had heard that love conquers all and in the end the winner takes all. I had also heard that all is fair in love and war. To me all these schisms meant nothing to me at the end of the day.

I can understand that love of a parent and a child.

I hadn’t understood the consequences of love between a woman & a man until I faced a heartbreak.

I could not eat and yet I did not get hungry

I could not sleep my normal 6 hours and yet I was neither tired nor sleepy during the day

I put a lot of effort and emphasis into my running and martial arts. In fact, I looked forward to the two things.

At work I was like a zombie. I was neither here or there. I was on autopilot. The good thing was that I worked the graveyard shift (night shift). As I didn’t have that many distractions at work with my mind, it became a breeze.

The only issue I faced was that when I woke up I thought about the lady. Before I slept I thought about the lady. It was then I realized this is what love really feels like when it is no more.

Friendships that make the world go around

In my state of utter confusion, I resorted to ask friends for help. They responded well and came to my rescue with all kinds of advice some were extremely practical like go to this website and read. Others their advice was way beyond the level I was at in that I had passed the many levels of grieving, sorrow, anger and the like.

These two links though helped me a great deal.

The one link I was given to read that I found extremely helpful in my healing was www.psychologytoday.com/blog/me-we/201406/the-7-stages-grieving-breakup.

The other one was http://www.2knowmyself.com/10_ways_to_get_over_a_breakup_fast

The actual show of friendship that I really appreciated and helped me immensely to solidify my bond was the friend that invited me to his home for the entire weekend. Fed me, housed me, we drunk together to the wee hours of the morning and it was cathartic to say the least.

You see the lady has been my first love. I have gone out with many ladies prior to this nevertheless, she has been my first love.

The ideal was to marry the lady in 2016. But this will not happen because she married someone else.

A lot of questions arose and they still do.

I met the lady through a mutual acquaintance and the talking ensued. We talked and talked. We then met. She was a tall, brown, beautiful African lady, curvaceous and vivacious. It was the voice that got me on the phone however, on meeting her, the smile got me. We had a blast and in the process of knowing each other I realized this the one the I would like to marry. The more I was around her I did tell her that I would like to marry her, and the guy that I am I even set up a timeline of when and how it will all happen. As things tend to happen I fell for the lady and it felt so good. At last I could clearly feel what it means to be in love with another human being not a child nor a parent.

The year moved by pretty slowly as we grew to know and understand each other. The disparity in distance was cut short by technology. We both lived on two different continents. Therefore, the use of Skype, WhatsApp and WhatsApp phone really brought the distance down to a minimum. It was the best year in regards to love and romance. That is why when it ended the heartbreak was humongous, paralyzing and left me with more questions than answers.

I had to pick up the pieces and move.

Prior to meeting the lady, I was extremely guarded and made sure that it had to be the right one to let go and fall. Fall in love that is.

Love hasn’t worked out for me. The feeling is so good but I am not going that route again. Once bitten twice shy. The heartbreak has really messed me up big time. I have been advised that I will outlive my first heartbreak. In the meantime, I want to relax and let me go through all the motions of the heartbreak after all never say never.

Love…Love…Love

my-love-for-you

Source: https://twitter.com/odhiambostanley