And so the day begun like any other but with the rigmarole that surrounds life.
Sun was seeping through the cracks and hints of warmth, despite the dreary insides, promised a new day.
As the clock ticked on and on and the snooze button having been hit a couple of times, it was about time, to get up and face the world.
Brushing my teeth and looking in the mirror I had to convince myself that I am who I am even if others do not think so. I had to motivate myself with all the propensity that I could muster to take on the world. You see I had been told by someone I really and truly love that she was no longer in love with me. All my postulations about the luv I had for the said lady vanished in thin air. The cool and calm way I was told that it is over felt like a hot knife slicing through butter. It was gut wrenching, confusing, debilitating and above all else my world just stopped.
When I fell in love there was a lot that really went on within the body. From the chemistry, to the hormonal imbalance that led to a natural high. Therefore, when, the object of my desire said that I am no longer in love and do not want anything to do with you, my self-esteem takes a major thrashing and I questioned myself till the cows came home.
You see I had heard that love conquers all and in the end the winner takes all. I had also heard that all is fair in love and war. To me all these schisms meant nothing to me at the end of the day.
I can understand that love of a parent and a child.
I hadn’t understood the consequences of love between a woman & a man until I faced a heartbreak.
I could not eat and yet I did not get hungry
I could not sleep my normal 6 hours and yet I was neither tired nor sleepy during the day
I put a lot of effort and emphasis into my running and martial arts. In fact, I looked forward to the two things.
At work I was like a zombie. I was neither here or there. I was on autopilot. The good thing was that I worked the graveyard shift (night shift). As I didn’t have that many distractions at work with my mind, it became a breeze.
The only issue I faced was that when I woke up I thought about the lady. Before I slept I thought about the lady. It was then I realized this is what love really feels like when it is no more.
Friendships that make the world go around
In my state of utter confusion, I resorted to ask friends for help. They responded well and came to my rescue with all kinds of advice some were extremely practical like go to this website and read. Others their advice was way beyond the level I was at in that I had passed the many levels of grieving, sorrow, anger and the like.
These two links though helped me a great deal.
The one link I was given to read that I found extremely helpful in my healing was www.psychologytoday.com/blog/me-we/201406/the-7-stages-grieving-breakup.
The other one was http://www.2knowmyself.com/10_ways_to_get_over_a_breakup_fast
The actual show of friendship that I really appreciated and helped me immensely to solidify my bond was the friend that invited me to his home for the entire weekend. Fed me, housed me, we drunk together to the wee hours of the morning and it was cathartic to say the least.
You see the lady has been my first love. I have gone out with many ladies prior to this nevertheless, she has been my first love.
The ideal was to marry the lady in 2016. But this will not happen because she married someone else.
A lot of questions arose and they still do.
I met the lady through a mutual acquaintance and the talking ensued. We talked and talked. We then met. She was a tall, brown, beautiful African lady, curvaceous and vivacious. It was the voice that got me on the phone however, on meeting her, the smile got me. We had a blast and in the process of knowing each other I realized this the one the I would like to marry. The more I was around her I did tell her that I would like to marry her, and the guy that I am I even set up a timeline of when and how it will all happen. As things tend to happen I fell for the lady and it felt so good. At last I could clearly feel what it means to be in love with another human being not a child nor a parent.
The year moved by pretty slowly as we grew to know and understand each other. The disparity in distance was cut short by technology. We both lived on two different continents. Therefore, the use of Skype, WhatsApp and WhatsApp phone really brought the distance down to a minimum. It was the best year in regards to love and romance. That is why when it ended the heartbreak was humongous, paralyzing and left me with more questions than answers.
I had to pick up the pieces and move.
Prior to meeting the lady, I was extremely guarded and made sure that it had to be the right one to let go and fall. Fall in love that is.
Love hasn’t worked out for me. The feeling is so good but I am not going that route again. Once bitten twice shy. The heartbreak has really messed me up big time. I have been advised that I will outlive my first heartbreak. In the meantime, I want to relax and let me go through all the motions of the heartbreak after all never say never.